I can remember not

I can remember not being in Zimbabwe

I can remember not having a fridge

I can remember not seeing a zebra last Thursday

I can remember not being awake

I can remember not thinking about you

I can remember not being Natalie

I can remember not always being awake when driving

I can remember not choosing my first lover

I can remember not going to Egypt

I can remember not having enough money to buy a car

I can remember not being afraid

I can remember not going home

I can remember not choosing the green one

I can remember not drowning

I can remember not breaking my leg

I can remember not seeing you with nothing on

I can remember not one but two

I can remember not being on time

I can remember not remembering your birthday

I can remember not wanting to make love with you

I can remember not being aware of who I was

I can remember not paying the bill

I can remember not going home

I can remember not choosing to be alone

I can remember not seeing you in Sainsbury’s, she said

I can remember not falling in love with Lynn

I can remember not feeling safe

I can remember not being aware of death

I can remember not showing up for work

I can remember not wanting to go to Jerusalem

I can remember not dealing with things properly

I can remember not making a decision one way or the other

I can remember not seeing things the way I do now

I can remember not being aware of a change

I can remember not talking to the police

I can remember not liking the way you said I should say it

I can remember not smoking, but differently to how I remember not smoking before I started smoking

I can remember not feeling good about alot of the things I did

I can remember not wanting it to stop

I can remember not being able to walk, once or twice

I can remember not asking you the things I really wanted to know

I can remember not wanting to be in India

I can remember not loving Natalie

I can remember not feeling confident

I can remember not reading Lorca and Conrad

I can remember not finishing my meals

I can remember not eating enough

I can remember not drinking too much

I can remember not knowing how to smoke

I can remember not knowing the taste of jackfruit

I can remember not knowing where I was going

I can remember not knowing what to do in the company of adults

I can remember not thinking I was good enough

I can remember not being there for you

I can remember not feeling good about certain colour choices

I can remember not wanting to be with you forever